Struggle Summer

Wow, and I thought 2011 was a shitty year. Looks like 2016 is trying to top that...

This year has been an non-stop spiral. It feels like every time something in my life would go right, it would not only go wrong but go wrong tenfold. I won't go into detail about everything that has happened but I will talk about one of the things that hit me the hardest, about how my dream job fell apart.

Earlier this year, I received a job as a freelance writer at a local newspaper. I jumped for joy, having this job because it made me feel more like an established writer and it got my name out to the writing world. The pay wasn't great but I didn't care, as long as I got to write about the area and the people around it.

Then, two months into writing for the local paper and having my name out in the open, I made a terrible mistake that cost me dearly. In writing an article about a program at a local art institute, I interviewed a couple of people who participated in the program but couldn't find a third to interview. After a friend had let me know that they had participated in said program a year before, I interviewed her instead. After having said article done, I looked over the guidelines and saw that I didn't particularly follow it. I went back, made a few changes to the article, cutting out my friends part and adding in bits from a pamphlet I was sent. After turning in the article, I was ecstatic to see it being on the cover of the paper and I BRAGGED hard. Little did I know that it would be downhill from there on...

About a week after the article was published, I was called about a problem with the article. I was told that I had misquoted someone in the article, the person who I quoted from the pamphlet. I sent the pamphlet to the editor for her to double check and I had indeed misquoted the pamphlet. I explained that my laptop didn't let me copy and paste the quote (sometimes my laptop can be loopy) so I just wrote it verbatim, or so I thought. I guess I made a flub or two in the writing but the editor had told that it was okay, just not to do it again. I thought this was the end of it and went on with my life until I realized I had not heard from our editor about any new stories in a couple of weeks so I decided to call the office to ask if there was anything available. When I spoke with the editor, she told me that she wanted to come into the office for an emergency meeting concerning my future with the paper. This made my blood run cold, not being helped by the fact that the meeting wouldn't not be held until the week after I talked her over the phone. It's not fun waiting a week before hearing whether or not you still have a job.

When the time came for the meeting, I thought I was going to vomit and I kept thinking the worst. Everyone kept telling me to think positive but I couldn't because I tend to have terrible luck in situations like this. As soon as I walked into the office, I felt a cold chill and I realized that everyone in the office, who I was on pretty good terms with, weren't visible and I was asked into the editor's office immediately. I was told that because of the mistakes made, I was being let go from the paper until I could be published elsewhere to prove that I am a competent writer. To say I was crushed would not even begin to describe how I felt.

To be honest, I was pretty suicidal. I called a friend who I told the situation and told her that I was just done. This friend was quite worried and tried to convince me to visit her at work but I couldn't. I was just beaten. When I got home, in and out on the decision to commit suicide, I messaged a friend who was also a writer for advice. She told me that though this had happened to me, it was most likely a sign of bigger and better things to come. I, at the time did not believe this so I began writing a note and calling friends to see if there was anything of mine that they wanted. Granted, I don't have much but I'm assuming some of the things I have is worth something. I got an outpouring show of support from friends who let it be know that I was loved and would be missed if I did follow through with my plan. It took every fiber of my being not to.

Today, I'm still looking for writing jobs and a regular job just to help me out of a financial bind I am in. This summer was not easy and I'm still struggling with my feelings about what happened, along with depression I've been suffering with since early teens but yet here I am, still writing, still looking, still wanting better.

If your summer was worst than mine, please don't share. This isn't a pissing contest.