Sunday, March 11, 2018

Jesse Lee the anomaly

I guess this is my fault, being on youtube at all sorts of hours. Excuse me for not being able to sleep. Have you ever came across a youtube video that made you question your sanity? Did the subject or presenter ever say or do something so inane that you question whether or not this person was an actual person and not a malfunctioning android. I did and for once, it wasn't one of the Paul brothers. Oh, boy, did I...

I am speaking about the reverend (and I use the term lightly) Jesse Lee Peterson. An alt right activist and is  the founder of B.O.N.D., a black organization whose goal is to help black men get their lives together. Now, normally I would have no problem with an organization whose goal is for the betterment of black men but...his world views are, how should I say FUCKING HORRIBLE.

I dunno how much good a man can do wanting to better black people when they say that Jim Crow was not a bad idea. Yeah, he said that. According to him, white business owners have the right to turn down black people for the betterment of their business. Other questionable views he has include the following;
-Women should never have power over men. This included calling the Women's march on Washington the "Dirty Women rally" and claiming Ashley Judd (who was there) was on drugs.
-Believing that gay transgendered people are sick and should never serve in the military.
-As mentioned above, believing that Jim Crow is best for African Americans. Believes that organizations like the NAACP are bad for the African Americans. Calls anyone not of the republican party "Children of the lie".
-Believes that Trayvon Martin would be alive if his parents were still married. You know, because George Zimmerman would've cared about that. 

Now, in a twisted way, I understand what he's trying to do. He wants black people to do for themselves without needing an excuse or an organization. I get that but his views feel like they are coming from an old southern white man. From old videos I have seen of him, Peterson was pretty democratic (he was still unlikable but not all democrats are good) but in between then and now, he did a complete 180. Anytime someone debates Peterson, it always feels he ignores their question and settles with his own or the question go in one ear and out the other. I have literally lost my temper watching his videos, screaming at my laptop "Did you even hear their question?!".

I don't know what else to say about him but I can only hope he's happy in his sunken place. Yes, even I'm using that phrase when it comes to him.

Here is a video of interview between Peterson and activist Tariq Nasheed. Watch at your own risk, you may want to kick your computer in afterward:

Wednesday, January 10, 2018

2017 Year in Review

1. What did you do in 2017 that you'd never done before?
Um...this year was a tad...boring :-(

2.  Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I didn't make any last year and I won't make any this year. Take it day by day.

 3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
I knew quite of few people who gave birth this year but they aren't super close to me.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
A friend of a friend died earlier this year. A co-worker of mine also died this year. I saw the co-worker before I had to take a day off. The day I came back, he was gone.

 5. What countries did you visit?

 6. What would you like to have in 2018 that you lacked in 2017?
  I'd say my degree but I took a break from school. I'd say my own place. I've had opportunities to do so but read my previous blog to see why I haven't.

7. What date from 2017 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
My birthday. What I wanted to be a gathering of friends turned into just...crap.

8.  What was your biggest achievement of the year?
 Finally buying Kyatto Tenden Yandee, being at my job for a year. Got a smartphone. Surviving my class reunion. Again, this year was a little slow.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Again, this year was a little boring. Not staying on my writing as much as I should. See answer #7 and my Christmas wasn't all that great either.

 10.Did you suffer illness or injury?
Having ear issues. Besides that, nothing really.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
See #8. I've bought quite of few clothes, movies and shows to entertain myself.

 12.  Whose behavior merited celebration?
All of my friends who had babies in 2017. I'll come back to this if I can thinking of anything else.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Again, America's...

 14.Where did most of your money go?
Groceries and Coffee, most likely

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
The release of Megaranger and GoShogun. I got excited for my class reunion.

16. What song will always remind you of 2017?
Honestly, I became obsessed with the Tavares "Deeper in love" this year. I dunno what about the song made me fall in love with it but I did.

 17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
-Happier or sadder: Unhappy medium?
-thinner or fatter:I definitely picked up weight this year.
-Richer or poorer: I ain't rich but I spend a lil' bit...

18.What do you wish you'd done more of?
Figured out the difference between friends and acquaintances, though some of this may be me being hyper sensitive.

 19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
As always, I wish I didn't mope so much but there were times I wish I didn't rely on people. Not only were there times I found out that those people are unreliable but will barely acknowledge the subject about why your pissed. See question #7.

 20. How was your Christmas spent?

 21. Did you fall in love in 2017?
As always, I fall in love all the time.

22. Did your heart break in 2017?
Yeah but some of it was my fault. I can be too much of a homebody.

 23.  What was your favorite TV program?
Barely watched any tv last year. If I did, it was background noise while I was online.

 24.Did you know anybody who got married?
 No one off the top of my head.

25. What states did you visit in 2017?
The one I live in

 26. Where were you when 2017 began?
I don't even remember. Probably at home.

27. Who were you with?
Probably by myself

28. Where were you when 2017 ended?
In bed

 29. Who were you with when 2017 ended?
Bed and pillows

 30. What was the best book you read?
Not sure but I'm pretty sure it had pictures and was originally from Japan.

31. What was your greatest musical discovery?
80s music produced by Leon Sylvers III. I just love his blend of R&B and New Wave sound. Also listened to a lot of Earth, Wind and Fire. Nothing modern, unfortunately.

 32. What did you want and get?
A waaaaay better phone.

33.What did you want and not get?
I'd say a degree but I took a break from school. It was needed. My biggest worry is will I find the strength to go back.

34. What was your favorite film of this year?
Get Out, hands down!!

35. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
See #7

36. Where did you go on vacation?
 Anyplace that wasn't home

 37. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2017?
Full Black Hipster...sorta. I think I just threw stuff on and called it a day.

 38. What kept you sane?
I really don't know for this year. Honestly, probably being a goofball at work. Making some laugh was what it took for me to not have a complete breakdown.

 39. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Wrestler Nia Jax. God, she's gorgeous!

 40. What political issue stirred you the most?
Jesus, where do I even start? In gender politics, if the #metoo hashtag and it's meaning didn't suck enough, seeing about 65% off the women in your life use it does. Politics were all around disturbing. A president on the verge of a nervous breakdown is funny until knowing the kind of power he has.

41. Did you have to go to the hospital?

42.  How many concerts did you see in 2017?

43. Did you have a favorite concert in 2017?

 44.  Who were the best new people you met?
 Brittany, Tamika, Illiana, Antoinette. Yes, all females.

 45. Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year?
 Welp, only trying to not be alone on holidays and birthdays.

46. What was your most embarrassing moment of 2017?
Letting a female friend drunkenly berate me on her birthday in public. I literally questioned staying her friend afterward.

47.  Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2017?
see #18

48. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
 "Money, have your own
Friends, just for fun
Drugs, don't indulge
Sex with the right person?

Work all your day
Crime does not pay
Love don't apply
Live, to live you must die?"- Tony! Toni! Tone!- "Born not to know"

Sunday, November 19, 2017

Living Arrangements

Yeah, it took me three months to write another blog. I had a sea of ideas to write about but would dump them mid way through writing. It's the flaw of a writer/blogger.

Recently, I've had friends propose the idea of either getting a place together or moving in with them to help pay for bills. I do like the idea of having a place with someone I'm on familial terms with that isn't actually family but the conversation normally ends with my usual statement of "I'll think about it".

Am I afraid to leave my current living arrangements, I'm staying with family, because of the hassle of not having to pay as many bills as I would if I moved out on my own? Well, I have lived on my own before during my tenure at Wright State. Granted, it was student apartments so I wasn't directly paying for the places I stayed (this will come back to bite me on the ass in student loan payments) but I must admit, it felt great to have a place of my own,  being able to have friends over whenever I wanted.

To be honest, I did have an experience where I moved in with a sorta friend and it went horribly wrong. Granted, I couldn't help him financially for a month but that did not call for being threatened with having my things thrown out and an ass kicking. When things were finally squared away between us, the animosity between he and his significant other became a factor. During these times, I would literally lock myself in my room while the two argued over the smallest thing.  It was during these times that I am extremely grateful for the friends I made over twitter because I just felt isolated and alone and at time and I spoke to them to keep my spirits up. As weeks went by, me and my roommate mostly avoided each other, only coming out to grab food. About maybe a month and a half went by with mostly quiet until my roommate dropped a bomb on me one weekend.

My roommate let me know that due to being on the verge of a nervous breakdown, he was moving back home with his family, so I had to move out as well, being that I couldn't afford the place by myself. Now this would've been okay if I was given maybe a month or two to find a new place but I was given two weeks instead. Yeah, now this made me want to have a nervous breakdown. I scrambled HARD to find a new place, all while moving smaller stuff of mine back to my mother's.  As I spent those to weeks looking for a new place, I ended up missing a lot of class time I practically flunked my Spanish class, which I liked. As crunch time continued, my roomie kept asking if I had found a way to get my stuff out, which I hadn't and this began his phrase of "I'm not trying to be an asshole, but...". Nothing irked me more than when he said that and he kept saying it to me at a time of extreme distress. After all, he had his family to help him move, I didn't.

When the final week came, I had to beg friends to help me gather some things and help me take them to my mothers in the middle of a Friday night, which scared the shit out of her. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to get everything out, delaying my roommates move by a week, which they surely let me know of. The very last night, I had to beg a friend who I hadn't spoken with in ages to come help me. As we gathered the last of my things out of the apartment, I turned to my roommate and the following; "That was a fun experience, now let us never, ever do that again.". He just looked at me puzzled and said "what's that supposed to mean?". I said, "EXACTLY!" and walked out the door.

So, this my fear of moving in with a friend, that various events will take place that will drive us apart like it did between me and my former roommate. Plus, I guess I'm a very private person and I like to mutter to myself a lot when I'm alone so I dunno if that would freak anyone out. But then again, any of my friends would be make better roommates than that neurotic drip so who knows...

If you're ever in the Cleveland area and you run into a bespectacled man or a woman who like using the phrase;
Guy: "I'm not trying to be an asshole but..."
Woman: "I'm not trying to be a bitch, I'm not trying to be a cunt but..."
Get the hell away from them AS FAST AS YOU CAN!! 

Thursday, August 10, 2017

Scary lady with a gun

I originally started on this blog entry in late June and doubted that I wanted to finish it. The subject has long passed and to be honest, Dana Loesch is just scary. I see the intensity in her eyes that Tomi Lahren wishes she could produce. She fully believes that without the NRA (National Rifle Association), the world will fall into complete chaos.
In her ad for the NRA, which honestly felt like a LOT of finger pointing, Tomi Dana lists off a number of problems of the United States. From people calling the president racist and sexist, organizations "masquerading" as peaceful actually being violent to celebs having the nerve to voice their opinions on politics. We all know celebrities shouldn't have political opinions, unless they're Scott Baio. She defends her opinion by saying that the NRA will be there, like G.I. Joe, to challenge anyone's opinion with the etiquette of a drunken frat boy screaming "Come at me, Brah!".

Funny how neither she or anyone else of the NRA has even breathed a word about Philando Castile, a registered gun owner who was shot in front of his girlfriend by law enforcement when he was reaching to give the police his license. Oh, yeah, and his young daughter was there to witness this. Yet, no words from Dana, the NRA or any other conservative party? How odd, I wonder why...

Needless to say that the ad did not sit well with some people as the commercial was lambasted for how it advertised current social problems. Some still agreed with the ad and when the Dana and her commercial became the ire of a trio of women from the nation of Islam, guess who Dana set her sights on.

Possibly what run of the mill debate looks like for Dana...
Not only did she go after this trio of women, she pounced on them like Sabertooth on Wolverine. She told the women if they felt that her ad was racist, then debate her about it, face to face. Now if she would've stopped there, everything would've been fine but we live in a day and age where when it comes to politics, mouths spout off like a rocket and the sky's the limit. Dana goes on to say that how is it fair for these women to say that her ad was fear mongering when these women are part of the nation of Islam, whose leader, Louis Farrakhan has preached separatism and extremism. Now, I will admit, Farrakhan has said some crazy shit, the craziest thing said was that hitler was not a bad guy, but these women were not speaking on behalf of Farrakhan, they were speaking for themselves.To throw salt on the wound, Dani berates the women, letting them know that it would fine to debate her if the women can get permission from "Daddy Farrakhan". Jesus Christ!

Again, I don't condone a lot of things Farrakhan has said but he didn't need to be brought into this and to do say that these women can't live, let alone say anything without his permission is insulting. Let the women say that Dana couldn't debate them without "daddy NRA", pretty sure not only would Dana and the NRA would've shit a brick but so would a lot of right wingers. God knows how far they would've taken things.

I'm not saying Dana Loesch or the NRA aren't wrong for speaking their minds. They are in the U.S., which thrives on freedom of speech. However, to spread chaos and panic through words just so people will buy more guns is just disgusting. Instead of seeing those sides that oppose the NRA and the president as the enemies, see where they're coming from. See why Black Lives Matter was formed and why trump's action spark these action. But of course, the same could be said from the other side. Seeing  things from the other side...yeah, that'll happen.

Maybe I'm being overly, judge for yourself;

Sunday, June 11, 2017

F**k Poetry...

For those of you, my normal readers, who were disgusted by my previous blog entry about racism and pornography, I hope this blog entry doesn't gross you as much.

If you read my blog (I'm beginning to realize I start a lot of my blogs with those words), you assume I like to write. For the most part, I do. News articles, interviews, fiction, non-fiction, comedy, movie reviews and even screen plays if I were given a chance. I used to write poetry, even had a poem published in a magazine about 12 years ago. It was something I enjoyed because it helped me express feelings I felt but was never sure how to say it.

But now, I LOATHE everything about poetry and I don't know where to place the blame.It's a toss up between the teacher of the advanced poetry writing class I took or possibly myself for being so thin skinned. Since this is my blog, I'm going to go with the former.

During my time at WSU, I had taken every writing class known to man and excelled at almost all. I decided to push myself, and in the senior year that I never finished, I took advanced poetry writing, thinking  it would be a breeze. Work wise, it kind of was but emotionally, it was draining. I had a teacher so Goddamn dry, toast would fear him. I swear, the way he talked just put me to sleep most of the time. He would sometimes assign us subjects that were the most uninteresting subjects to write poetry about. I did not care about these poems but after I'm going to say a month of uninspiring poetry, the teacher, I guess, noticed how flat everyone's work was and let us write about whatever we wanted. This was exciting news, even if the teacher said he would assign us subjects to write about from time to time.
A possibly less jaded me on the left.

As I wrote more personal poems, I became frustrated because all of my work was met with a "it's good but..." while it felt like everyone else's work felt like it was being praised up and down. I wrote a particular poem about downtown Dayton and not only did was it met with a "it's good but..." but a douche in the class had the never to say "if no one cares about the downtown Dayton, no real point in writing a poem about it". Now most people I know would say, the SDS looks like he doesn't have a single violent bone in his body. Well that day, I was about to take the that violent bone in my body and stab this douche with it. Yes, folks, I almost got into a fight in the middle of a poetry class. Took two other classmates and the teacher to hold me back. Okay, maybe it was more of a big shouting match but it felt like I was gonna stab him. Instead, I decided that my next poem would be about the douchebag.

The day after I turned in the poem, as I was walking into the classroom, the teacher walked up to me and ask if I could step out of the class room for a moment. He asked if I was okay and I asked him why he asked and he said that he read my poem and was concerned that I would take action against the douche. I assured him that nothing would happen and proceeded to sit in the most awkward class sessions in all time. For everyone's concern, the poem was not threatening. I just pretty much used fancy words to call the douche...a douche.

One of last assignments, if not our last assignment, was to pick an influence of literature and/or poetry and write a poem about them. Everyone in the class was excited about this assignment, except me, of course. I know I've sounded like such a grump throughout this blog but hear me out. I was never influenced by poets or soliloquies, I just wrote about what I felt or saw. I didn't think I needed I needed a certain poet to influence me. And then I had an Epiphany, "that's what my poem would be about, the way the likes Angelou, Frost, Shakespeare, etc... didn't inspire me, I inspire me. I wrote this poem, putting all my heart into it, hoping to reach someone, anyone in what I was try to say (I forgot to mention that most of the class consisted of proto-hipsters). I turned it in, confident as hell that it would blow the socks off of anyone who read it. The next class, I sat in my seat waiting to hear the praises of classmates and, finally, my teacher.

When we read other students poems, I just said "Yeah, I really liked it". When mine was finally read, I was literally sweating bullets to hear responses. I heard "it was all right but..." from my classmates but at that time, their opinions didn't matter, only my teacher's did. When it finally got to him, I waited and waited and waited until I heard; "It's good but...". I was so pissed beyond pisstivity that I couldn't hear anything he said after that. It took every fiber in my being to not scream "WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!" in his face but I just nodded. When class was over, I made sure I was the first person to leave. There were a couple of classes left after this where I just sat in silence and turned my work in. I received a B in the class, which felt like the final slap in the face and at that point, I never wanted to write poetry again.

Sunday, April 30, 2017

Porn in Blackness

First of all, this blog is SOOOOoooo NSFW so if you have children and  allow them to read the worst of my blogs, especially this one, you're a terrible human being.

Second, sorry about the title. It was the best I could come up with on a short notice.

Now that that's out of the way, when I was finally able to see "Get Out", one of the many characters that stood out for me was the ill-fated Logan. Seeing him with his "girlfriend" and how she talked about their "relationship" reminded me of two things. The first was Blerds Online blog post about pornography, which can be found here...

Logan looking at a possibly sequel...
The second is where my blog comes in. Yes, I am coming out and saying I watch porn. Oh, don't look so shocked. Porn is really weird when it comes to interracial scenes. I'm mostly talking about Black men with White women or Black women with White guys. These scenes COULD be treated like your typical sex scene but I have the unfortunate luck of finding ones that don't.

As told in the blog I linked above, vintage scenes tend to be uncomfortable because they are always pointing out that the porn actress/actor is black, like I couldn't tell just by looking at them. Words like "chocolate goddess", "my black buck" etc... always seemed to get thrown around. I've seen cases where nigger and black face were used outright. Good example would be "Deep inside Vanessa Del Rio", which does have an actress who plays Vanessa Del Rio's (who is Hispanic) mom and she is in blackface. Not making light of the subject but shouldn't she have been in brownface?

Nowadays, nigger and blackface is not thrown around so freely but interracial scenes and movies are treated like a sideshow. If it's a full movie, it's always given some embarrassing title like "Yo' mama got blacked" or "Negroes in yo' girl". If just a scene or two, it's treated, again, like a sideshow. "Hey, you remember that porn star from the 80s? Well, she's back and this time, she's going to the wrong side of town..."
Well, grannies have to stay busy too, I guess

Subtle, movie, REAL subtle...

We get it, porn industry, coitus between different races is still a little taboo, even in 2017 but this shit can really turn off your viewership. It's shit like this that make me see why women, at least the ones I know, are a little turned off by pornography. I remember watching a scene where a woman, who was mature, said the following; "I like to fuck strange men, black men..." and thought to myself; "Are black men a fetish now or something?".

P.S. Did anyone know there is a fetish of black guys getting off in interracial scenes by being called a nigger during sex. I heard this is sort of a fetish now but damn, how fucked up is that??

Sunday, April 23, 2017

Love me like facebook...

Originally, this entry was about a friend embarrassing me in the middle of a bar on her birthday but wanting to talk about it may have led me to a revelation. Maybe I'm upset with this friend, beyond the humiliating me in public,because I might be jealous of her. When seeing her practically daily post, to me, her posts come off as adventurous, receiving comments, thumbs up and any other emoti-cons on her post while I can barely get a response to mine.

Yes, folks, I've become one of those people who judge their self worth by how many likes, responses and other types of attention on social media. It's a crippling disease that those of us without a real social life suffer from. It's started by looking at our friends' facebook page, seeing that they just had a new baby, had gone to Cancun or was just arrested and say to ourselves; "Damn, I wish that were me!". I know I mostly do it because the most exciting my life goes is folding laundry or going for a walk. Actually, I've seen post where some of my friends have gone on some exciting walks.

As hard as it sounds and is, a great man told me the best advice when it comes to comparing yourself to your friends on social media, DON'T!! Comparing your life to people you know on social media is going to drive you insane. If those words aren't any help, think of the examples I used, the friend having the baby. They're on lock down until that kid turns 16-18. That friend that went to Cancun, unless they come from money (most of the people I know don't), that's probably gonna be a one time thing. The friend who got arrested, kinda speaks for itself. To keep on comparing your life to theirs is punishing yourself for living. To keep doing so may lead you to do something that will probably get you the wrong kind of attention.
"Look, Gina's hair caught on fire while partying with people half her age. I wish that would happen to me!"