Sunday, April 23, 2017

Love me like facebook...

Originally, this entry was about a friend embarrassing me in the middle of a bar on her birthday but wanting to talk about it may have led me to a revelation. Maybe I'm upset with this friend, beyond the humiliating me in public,because I might be jealous of her. When seeing her practically daily post, to me, her posts come off as adventurous, receiving comments, thumbs up and any other emoti-cons on her post while I can barely get a response to mine.

Yes, folks, I've become one of those people who judge their self worth by how many likes, responses and other types of attention on social media. It's a crippling disease that those of us without a real social life suffer from. It's started by looking at our friends' facebook page, seeing that they just had a new baby, had gone to Cancun or was just arrested and say to ourselves; "Damn, I wish that were me!". I know I mostly do it because the most exciting my life goes is folding laundry or going for a walk. Actually, I've seen post where some of my friends have gone on some exciting walks.

As hard as it sounds and is, a great man told me the best advice when it comes to comparing yourself to your friends on social media, DON'T!! Comparing your life to people you know on social media is going to drive you insane. If those words aren't any help, think of the examples I used, the friend having the baby. They're on lock down until that kid turns 16-18. That friend that went to Cancun, unless they come from money (most of the people I know don't), that's probably gonna be a one time thing. The friend who got arrested, kinda speaks for itself. To keep on comparing your life to theirs is punishing yourself for living. To keep doing so may lead you to do something that will probably get you the wrong kind of attention.
"Look, Gina's hair caught on fire while partying with people half her age. I wish that would happen to me!"

Sunday, March 5, 2017

Saw a star shining bright: 5 years later)

This March marks the fifth year anniversary of the death of my friend, Candice Johnson. I've written previous blog entries about her but I couldn't not write one about her this year. It really doesn't feel like five years since hearing the news. I still remember my friend, Michelle, messaging me like crazy, telling me that we need to talk. I didn't pay her any mind because I just thought she just had another crazy weekend. I still remember the seriousness on her face when first seeing her and the words I said when she told me, "I just spoke with her on Thursday..." Also didn't help that I had a favorite cousin die literally on the same day.

Her death is still a mystery to me and Michelle but I speculated it was suicide. Michelle thought the same but it has been years since we talked about so her mind night have changed. In previous blogs, I stated that Candice possibly had a lot to deal with while we were talking. I have expressed my guilt because I feel as my pushing an ultimatum didn't help matters much. I think I was doing this because 2011 was a terrible year for me, worse than 2016 but not by much. I was looking for something good to fill the void and I thought a relationship would be it.

But I did want us to work and not just because Candice happened to have big breasts. I think we were two old souls, even though I am extremely immature. I really don't know how a relationship between two depressed black people would've worked but I was willing to give it a chance.

On the subject of depression, that's the one small thing I took away from her death. It made want to advocate for suicide prevention, for others if not myself. It's painful to feel the urge to want to die and it is a feeling that I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy and I have a LOT of those.

What I want to say to you, Candice Johnson, is that I miss you. I thank you for making me feel good about myself when I didn't. I wish I could've done the same for you. Every time I feel ugly about myself, I think of you and I feel better. I'm not sure how to end this so as the saying goes, until we meet again...

Your frog prince

Sunday, February 12, 2017

Conspiracy Theories

   When you ride public transportation, you tend to hear a LOT of crazy stories. One story that I constantly hear is organizations always wanting to keep the African American community from succeeding or destroying us entirely. Normally, these organizations consist of white people in power whose sole purpose is to control the United States. While I do believe that there are mostly Caucasian authority figures who are out to make anyone who does not meet their criteria of an American's (i.e. minorities) life miserable, prime example would be the elections, I can't comment on whether or not I believe that these people have any supernatural ties. From talks to the Illuminati to Jewish Vampires, it almost feels like African Americans can't catch a break.

I honestly would like to know how these stories began because I admit, for stories like these to get circulated in the black community, there has to be some fact to the fiction. Kind of like the telephone game. As I've said, I do believe there is a system built to keep minorities down. However, when I hear stories of blood sacrifices and Gay Illuminati running Hollywood, I become a skeptic. Honestly, it reminds me of the 1989 horror film "Society", a movie that still creeps me out to this day.
Just adding this poster is going to land me in therapy.
So, if you're gay, you belong to a secret society in Hollywood, secretly funding Black entertainment, as long as those being raised up do you a favor. Jewish people also have their hand in entertainment and, according to an older man on the bus, are all vampires. Weird because the LGBTQ and Jewish community catch as much hell as other minorities.

I am NOT making fun of these people or whether or not they have mental health issues. That might actually be an issue because, honestly, I've never heard any other race of elderly speak like this. Then again, I've never seen many of them ride public transportation around here. And there are those elderly white people saying they wish society was they way it "used to be" so I just answered my own question there.

Sunday, January 22, 2017

Jimmy and his amazing technicolor... friends

A while back, I wrote a blog explaining why it is taking me so long to graduate from college, a two year one at that. I won't go into detail but as I said in the blog, , unless people are willing to help me pay for schooling, do not ask why it's taking me so long.

Now that that's out of the way, during an argument I had with a family member who shall remain nameless, A question was asked about the ethnicity of my friend base. "You don't have many black friends, do you?" was the question, to be exact. "I have many friends from many walks of life." was my answer and this answer is actually true.

The technicolor dreamcoat is a representation of  my friends, every race, creed, color and sex
I have many friends of many ethnicity from all walks of life. Gay, straight, white, black, pan African to punk. Now, there are times when I become paranoid about my friends, especially when arguments with said relative turns to "Well, if they were your real friends..."

And what makes it worst is this argument (it's come up more than once) tends comes up when I'm at a low point in life, casting doubt in me. In situations like this, I like to think that my friends aren't there for me because they have lives of their own and I'm never the most open person unless I'm EXTREMELY close to said friend. Unfortunately, this doesn't help the question or thought popping up in my head every now and then.

However, this doesn't stop me from making friends. My color is never an issue, at least I hope not. I love being black and I love black people but sometimes fate puts certain people in your life to make it a little better or at least, more humorous, no matter their race.

How else could I explain my current best friend being a tall, Jewish woman insults me 50% of the time we're together, and NO, it's not for fetish reasons.

Sunday, January 15, 2017

#BeatHavok (Used to be a fan)

Oh, no, another blog entry about wrestling, yadda, yadda, yadda...

I remember having a huge crush on the dominating female wrestler named Jessicka Havok (yes, it's spelled that way). What I saw in her was the amalgamation of Bull Nakano and "Sensational" Sherri Martel, two of my favorite women in the wrestling industry. Like Sherri and Nakano, Havok is beautiful, fierce and has an affinity for face paint.
Someone obviously pissed in her Cheerios that day.
 I first saw Havok in action on an episode of TNA Impact wrestling and was immediately enamored with her intimidating style but cute face and I was a immediately a fan. The huge thighs helped also. As I kept watching Havok dominate the TNA knockouts division (women wrestlers), I kept wanting for Havok to become the knockouts champion to no avail. Since Impact wasn't in good shape, as if they ever were, I, at least wanted her to leave the clutches of TNA and move on to greater pastures. And then I heard the news WWE (World Wrestling Entertainment) was interested in her. Now, I admit that right now, I am not the biggest WWE fan but I was happy to see her move on to bigger and better things. WWE happens to be the biggest wrestling organization in the world, or at least in the U.S.. Then, news broke that WWE decided not to bringing her on. At first, I was angry with WWE, thinking that they didn't hire her  because she wasn't shaped like a Bella or nude photos of popped up of her the moment she became legal (which I wouldn't have minded) but when the reason came out why she wasn't chosen was released, I surprisingly took WWE's side.

It was leaked all over the internet that in the past, Havok had posted some quite racist and homophobic tweets. As much as I liked Havok, a person who could say the things she said in such a jokingly manner pissed me off and I lost respect for her. At the time the tweets were revealed, Havok put out an apology, saying she was "young and dumb". She has recently come out and said that the tweets were set up by internet trolls to ruin her career.

Now, in her recently posted (well, a few months ago) blog, Havok said that she was tired of having to explain herself and the "only God can judge me" defense and that everyone has or done something racist and stupid in their lifetime. Perhaps she's right, I know I've made my fair share of race jokes from time to time (if any of you are concerned whether or not I've said the N word, I'm black, not that that means anything) and as she said, people mature and grow. I know I still am.
How classy of her...

 My problem in the situation is in the beginning of the scandal, she issued a message that sounded a tad robotic and in her blog post, she just sounds so pissed off that the whole situation hasn't gone away, years later. She channels this by saying "if you're a fan, that's cool. If you're still offended, fuck you", and it's not that simple. There will be those who believe her and those who, like myself, who really think she just wants us to forget about it. I know at the moment that because, 1. I was a HUGE fan of hers and 2. You never know what people are truly truly thinking. If I were to say anything to her, it would be that I don't hate her but I've lost a great deal of respect for her. I am not some troll, I'm just a wrestling fan with an opinion.

Havok's blog post can be found here...

Saturday, January 7, 2017

2016 Year in Review

1. What did you do in 2016 that you'd never done before?
 I briefly work at the city newspaper. I enjoyed my limited time there.

2.  Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Nope. I think I won't make any for 2017 and just see where it goes.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Not blood but where do I begin? In 2016, musically: the world lost David Bowie, Prince, Natalie Cole, Maurice White, Glenn Frey and recently, George Michael. The acting world lost Alan Rickman, Gene Wilder, Ron Glass, Florence Henderson, Alan Thicke, Garry Shandling, Patty Duke, Abe Vigoda and as of today, both Carrie Fisher and her mother, Debbie Reynolds. Wrestling world lost Joanie Lauier, Hayabusa, Mr. Fuji, Balls & Axl and Blackjack Mulligan. And of course, we lost the great one, Muhammad Ali.

5. What countries did you visit?

6. What would you like to have in 2017 that you lacked in 2016?
 Whatever was listed last year still stands but I'm getting closer to that degree...I think.

7. What date from 2016 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
April 21st, the day Prince died. I felt my soul hurt.

8.  What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Mostly see Answer 1 for this but also for lacing myself up by the bootstraps and finding myself another, least likable job.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Please read blog entry "Struggle Summer" for the details on that subject.

10.Did you suffer illness or injury?
I'm writing this while getting over a cold. Does that count?

 11. What was the best thing you bought?
A lot of stuff that I really didn't need but brought me even a little happiness.

 12.  Whose behavior merited celebration?
Any friend who was able to deal with my behavior during my darkest hours deserve a merit and a celebration for us all being here.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

 14.Where did most of your money go?
My money honestly went to monthly bus passes.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
See answer #1

16. What song will always remind you of 2016?
Not to be funny or morbid but "Who wants to live forever" by Queen will made me think of this year, and not just because of the celebrity deaths.

 17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
  I. happier or sadder? Quite sadder
  II. thinner or fatter?: Way thinner, for some weird reason.
  III. richer or poorer? I ain't rich but I spend a lil' bit...

18.What do you wish you'd done more of?
Realized when a situation was beginning to go bad, I should've been prepared for it. I wish I would've done more writing too.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Sat and moped when things went bad. Wish I still wasn't 50% suicidal most of the time either.

20. How was you be Christmas spent?
With my family.

 21. Did you fall in love in 2016?
As always, I fall in love all the time

 22. Did your heart break in 2016?
Yes but it wasn't over a person in particular, it was over actions and events in life.

 23.  What was your favorite TV program?
Luke Cage and Ash vs. Evil Dead, Atlanta, beyond that I didn't watch much tv.

24.Did you know anybody who got married?
An old crush of mine, Sarah, got married by her longtime boyfriend, the leader of a band. Beyond that, no one I can think of off the top of my head.

25. What states did you visit in 2016?
Just the one I live in.

26. Where were you when 2016 began?
At home, by myself

27. Who were you with?
 See previous answer

28. Where will you be when 2016 ended?
See answer 26.

29. Who were you with when 2016 ended?
See previous answer

30. What was the best book you read?
Not sure but I'm pretty sure it had pictures and was originally from Japan.

 31. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Honestly, it stayed the same as it normally is, which is all over the place. I've been listening to more commentaries and podcast lately.

 32. What did you want and get?
Knowing that my friends love me, even when I was at my darkest time in quite some time.

 33.What did you want and not get?
My degree (going on year 3 or 4 on that). I honestly always feel like I'm looking for something I can't find.

34. What was your favorite film of this year?
I'd say "Rogue One" but I haven't seen it yet. Um, definitely not "Ghostbusters '16" or "Suicide Squad" 

35. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Invited a group of friends to go eat in the Oregon District, only two showed up. We ate, got hammered and played arcade games. I turned 104.

36. Where did you go on vacation?
 Anyplace that wasn't home

 37. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2016?
January-June: Black Hipster
July-September: homeless man
September-November: Professional adult
November-present: Black Hipster

 38. What kept you sane?
This year, friends, plain and simple. Therapy helped too.

39. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Since I now know for sure what this listing meant by fancying someone, hmm...Shailene Woodley is the only one I can think of right now.

 40. What political issue stirred you the most?
The presidency. To be honest, so many people I know are being affected by the aftermath, myself included.

 41. Did you have to go to the hospital?

 42.  How many concerts did you see in 2016?

  43. Did you have a favorite concert in 2016?
A Prince concert from 1985. It was magical...

 44.  Who were the best new people you met?
Chandra (though she's technically not new), Desiree, Asha, SonofKaras, Justin.

 45. Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year?
 Probably being nosy around my best friend Zippy's personal life. Sometimes I vicariously live through her. Actually bringing myself to a Plasma Center because I was absolutely broke is a close second.

46. What was your most embarrassing moment of 2016?
 See answer 9

47.  Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2016?
Good or bad, be prepared for anything... and do more fact checks before turning in articles...

 48. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
"Cos these are the days of our lives
They've flown in the swiftness of time
These days are all gone now but some things remain
When I look and I find - no change"-Queen "These are the days of our lives"

Sunday, December 11, 2016

Why I stopped reading current comics (DC edition)

Now right off the bat (no pun intended) I was never a huge DC comics fan. I knew of the big three heroes, Superman, Wonder Woman and Batman, through their various shows on television and movies. When the Onslaught saga shat upon Marvel comics, I thought to myself "I wonder what DC comics are doing right now?". Of course, I started reading DC comics by their back issues and found most of the heroes and villains damn goofy, even from the Big three, even Batman. The only comics that really stood out to me were 80s Justice League and New Teen Titans, both were drawn by George Perez.

L-R: Beast Boy (Then Changeling), Wonder Girl, Kid Flash, Raven, Robin "the Pantless wonder", Cyborg and Starfire
Photo property of George Perez and DC Comics

 The Titans felt like a well put together team, mixing new and older, more experienced heroes. In the beginning, my favorite titan was Wally West, the then Kid Flash. Being the former sidekick of the Flash, Barry Allen, Wally's story was complex because when the Titans were reformed (He was in previous Titans groups) he wanted nothing to do with them, wanting to just go to college and live a normal life. His speed needed, West is put under a spell by Raven, making West fall in love with her. When the truth was revealed (Raven gathered the team to battle her Demon father, Trigon) the titans became strained but stuck together and Kid Flash's feelings for Raven became genuine. Other issues the team dealt with were Cyborg's longing to feel human again, Raven keeping her dark side in check, Robin wanting to get out of the shadow of Batman and Starfire's understanding of humans.

Their stories somewhat resembled that of 80s Fantastic Four X-men, in that the heroes grew together  in their adventures. Most other teams in DC Comics were pretty established, not showing their lives outside of super heroing. There was also the fact heroes like Superman and Batman had about five comic titles that feature them. Besides the two earlier mentioned comics, the only title I read was "Adventure Comics featuring Plastic Man" and I only have the Cartoon Network airing the Plastic Man cartoon  to blame for that.

and then "Crisis on Infinite Earths" happened...

Photo property of DC Comics
 "Crisis..." was a very complicated but awesome mini-series involving literally EVERY existing DC comics known to man. Look it up because I am not going through the time and effort to explain what happened. All I can say about is a LOT of people died and multi-verses. The mini series helped reboot the DC comics universe into what could only be described as a more...realistic(?) era. At times, it did work and other times, it didn't. My favorite at this time was Superman, mostly because his comics at the time were drawn by my favorite comic book artist, John Byrne. While Supes was still pretty powerful, his powers were downgraded to the point that he wasn't Jesus.  The Titans were still around but they didn't quite have same spark they did when they reformed, possibly because most of the Titans were in their early 20s.
Property of DC Comics
 One thing I really didn't like that DC comics did, though it didn't happen until years later was taking their lighter characters and screwing them royally. The best examples were Ralph Dibny, The Elongated Man, and Kyle Radner, the 90s Green Lantern. Both of them were easy going heroes who had loved ones killed in very brutal ways by villains who originally were perceived as just goofy. It's like DC were trying to become gritty and/or grown a wild hair up their asses. Oh, and Supes temporarily died while Bats was temporarily paralyzed and no one cared.
Look at the edginess off a DEAD WOMAN IN A FRIDGE!


 Right now, DC comics is guilty of re-boots and useless sagas. Marvel has been doing this quite a bit too but DC does it every two weeks. Just when someone becomes involved in a character or story line, BOOM!, the story is over and the character they were involved with, now dead. Don't worry though, the character who died, they'll be back in the next reboot or saga so no worries.

To me, with the exception of VERY few comics, television shows and movies (and for DC, the movies are pushing it), I have no really interest in Marvel or DC anymore. See, equal hate for both.