For years, I've been friends with a woman named "Tabitha", who I met through a mutual friend during my time in Freethought, a campus group that I previously wrote a blog about. She attended a couple of meetings with her then boyfriend and though I didn't connect with either right away, I did find both pretty cool after a conversation about new vs. old anime when the the entire group went to a Steak n' Shake after a meeting adjourned. However, that was not the only thing on my mind after the meeting, as I found Tabitha quite fetching (No, I don't know anyone else who uses that word often either).
When word of mouth via facebook was out that Tabitha and her boyfriend had broken up, I took the opportunity to ask Tabitha for her phone number. She was skeptical at first but after I poured on the charm, or possibly just came off as desperate, she gave it to me. I think I called her that night, expecting our conversation to get hot and heavy because I called her late at night. Then I remembered, when speaking to women for the first time, I am awkward as hell. I spent the majority of our conversation saying "I...um...I..." with some words in between that. Finally, in the ensuing weeks of us talking, we got to know each other more and yeah, I flirted but I did like what Tabitha was all about. She's a plus sized woman who was comfortable with her body and I liked that about her, well, that and that she was a nerd. We decided to make a date for us to go out and I was so excited but things did not go as I planned. Then again, I don't know what I was planning.
Tabitha told me that she apologized but she had to call off our date. I was saddened but I wanted to be understanding so the night our date was supposed to happen, I called to ask if everything was okay. She told me that one of exes lived her campus and didn't want to face him. I guess I understood but I pushed and prodded her to forget him and just come out to see me. I think it took me a week to get her to agree (I'm not proud of doing this but this was how I was then). When we finally had our "date", it was the most AWKWARD date I had been on. We went to lunch and a movie and most of the date was surrounded in silence. I'd pushed her for this date and just thought to myself "now what?". I wanted to put my arm around her during the movie but I felt that she wouldn't have been comfortable with that and just sat in my seat. After the date, she told me that her friend needed me and she just dropped me off at my place. I was told by a former girlfriend that this is normally a sign that the woman just wants to get out of the date ASAP and that's what I thought.
Years later, I say that Tabitha had her number up facebook and like the creeper I am, I decided to give her a call. I immediately went back to the "I...um...I" stage and just powered through asking how life was going for her. After some awkward talk, she just told me that it was nice talking to me and contact her another time. I thought this was a huge accomplishment because she said she wanted to hear back from me. I didn't know what to do next but I saw that there was a discussion group discussing the book "Frankenstein" at a near by eatery and that it was open to anyone. I invited her to that and she agreed, which left me ecstatic. On the day of the the discussion, she texted me, letting me know that she was going to change and head out. I was so damn nervous, it wasn't even funny, especially as I got closer to the place. When I got there, I looked around but didn't see her and figured she was late. I saw the group, which included a former freethought member I had a crush on but I'm pretty sure I annoyed while in the group. While in the group, I waited and listened to the group wax on about the psychological meanings of "Frankenstein", which I could've given less of a fuck about. Finally, the group meeting was over and I was humiliated that Tabitha didn't show, couldn't give me a text to let me know she wasn't going to show or anything.
THIS is where the story gets odd. A couple of weeks later, my best friend called me, saying she had a date with someone that would surprise me. I just said okay, who. She said "I'll give you a hint, April O'Neil...". I had no clue what the hell she was talking about and said threatened to hang up on her. She finally came out and said Tabitha and the first thing I blurted was a very loud "WHAT?!?!". She said they met and made a date on "plenty of fish" and were going out in a few days. Apparently, Tabitha mentioned something about cottage cheese and my friend said, "My friend, The Super Duper Senior, said that cottage cheese is white people food". Yeah, sounds like something I'd say. Tabitha asked what my last name was and my friend told her and apparently, Tabitha said "Oh, I know him. He's been trying to get into my pants for 6 years...". FUCKING OUCH!!
Well, they went on their date and things didn't work out but I couldn't get over what Tabitha said. God Damn, I didn't know I came off like that. It was kind of hurtful that's all she thought of me when I thought so much more and it made me lose some respect fore her. Even though she said what she said, we're still friends, I still think she's cute but I am very uncertain of a future between us, even if there was a possibility of it happening, which in my terms means I'm still holding out for something.
To Tabitha,
I'm sorry that you see me in such a negative light. Yes, I am attracted to you but I saw you as much more than just a lay. I saw someone I could nerd out with while eating Asian food, play RPGs with and watch movies. I have no clue whether or not you'll see this but know that I've grown up since you first met me
because that is what people do when they realize the mistakes they made, they grow up. If you still see me this way, I don't know what to tell you.
Sincerely,
 |
| A random picture of Gary Coleman shrugging is pretty much how I feel about it |
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