Heard it from a friend who heard it from a friend

To go from the depressing tone of the last post to an odd story that reminds me of how small Dayton really is.

For years, I've been friends with a woman named "Tabitha", who I met through a mutual friend during my time in Freethought, a campus group that I previously wrote a blog about. She attended a couple of meetings with her then boyfriend and though I didn't connect with either right away, I did find both pretty cool after a conversation about new vs. old anime when the the entire group went to a Steak n' Shake after a meeting adjourned. However, that was not the only thing on my mind after the meeting, as I found Tabitha quite fetching (No, I don't know anyone else who uses that word often either).

When word of mouth via facebook was out that Tabitha and her boyfriend had broken up, I took the opportunity to ask Tabitha for her phone number. She was skeptical at first but after I poured on the charm, or possibly just came off as desperate, she gave it to me. I think I called her that night, expecting our conversation to get hot and heavy because I called her late at night. Then I remembered, when speaking to women for the first time, I am awkward as hell. I spent the majority of our conversation saying "I...um...I..." with some words in between that. Finally, in the ensuing weeks of us talking, we got to know each other more and yeah, I flirted but I did like what Tabitha was all about. She's a plus sized woman who was comfortable with her body and I liked that about her, well, that and that she was a nerd. We decided to make a date for us to go out and I was so excited but things did not go as I planned. Then again, I don't know what I was planning.

Tabitha told me that she apologized but she had to call off our date. I was saddened but I wanted to be understanding so the night our date was supposed to happen, I called to ask if everything was okay. She told me that one of exes lived her campus and didn't want to face him. I guess I understood but I pushed and prodded her to forget him and just come out to see me. I think it took me a week to get her to agree (I'm not proud of doing this but this was how I was then). When we finally had our "date", it was the most AWKWARD date I had been on. We went to lunch and a movie and most of the date was surrounded in silence. I'd pushed her for this date and just thought to myself "now what?". I wanted to put my arm around her during the movie but I felt that she wouldn't have been comfortable with that and just sat in my seat. After the date, she told me that her friend needed me and she just dropped me off at my place. I was told by a former girlfriend that this is normally a sign that the woman just wants to get out of the date ASAP and that's what I thought.

Years later, I say that Tabitha had her number up facebook and like the creeper I am, I decided to give her a call. I immediately went back to the "I...um...I" stage and just powered through asking how life was going for her. After some awkward talk, she just told me that it was nice talking to me and contact her another time. I thought this was a huge accomplishment because she said she wanted to hear back from me. I didn't know what to do next but I saw that there was a discussion group discussing the book "Frankenstein" at a near by eatery and that it was open to anyone. I invited her to that and she agreed, which left me ecstatic. On the day of the the discussion, she texted me, letting me know that she was going to change and head out. I was so damn nervous, it wasn't even funny, especially as I got closer to the place. When I got there, I looked around but didn't see her and figured she was late. I saw the group, which included a former freethought member I had a crush on but I'm pretty sure I annoyed while in the group. While in the group, I waited and listened to the group wax on about the psychological meanings of "Frankenstein", which I could've given less of a fuck about. Finally, the group meeting was over and I was humiliated that Tabitha didn't show, couldn't give me a text to let me know she wasn't going to show or anything.

THIS is where the story gets odd. A couple of weeks later, my best friend called me, saying she had a date with someone that would surprise me. I just said okay, who. She said "I'll give you a hint, April O'Neil...". I had no clue what the hell she was talking about and said threatened to hang up on her. She finally came out and said Tabitha and the first thing I blurted was a very loud "WHAT?!?!". She said they met and made a date on "plenty of fish" and were going out in a few days. Apparently, Tabitha  mentioned something about cottage cheese and my friend said, "My friend, The Super Duper Senior, said that cottage cheese is white people food". Yeah, sounds like something I'd say. Tabitha asked what my last name was and my friend told her and apparently, Tabitha said "Oh, I know him. He's been trying to get into my pants for 6 years...". FUCKING OUCH!!

Well, they went on their date and things didn't work out but I couldn't get over what Tabitha said. God Damn, I didn't know I came off like that. It was kind of hurtful that's all she thought of me when I thought so much more and it made me lose some respect fore her. Even though she said what she said, we're still friends, I still think she's cute but I am very uncertain of a future between us, even if there was a possibility of it happening, which in my terms means I'm still holding out for something.

To Tabitha,
I'm sorry that you see me in such a negative light. Yes, I am attracted to you but I saw you as much more than just a lay. I saw someone I could nerd out with while eating Asian food, play RPGs with and watch movies. I have no clue whether or not you'll see this but know that I've grown up since you first met me
because that is what people do when they realize the mistakes they made, they grow up. If you still see me this way, I don't know what to tell you.

Sincerely,

Me

A random picture of Gary Coleman shrugging is pretty much how I feel about it

Struggle Summer

Wow, and I thought 2011 was a shitty year. Looks like 2016 is trying to top that...

This year has been an non-stop spiral. It feels like every time something in my life would go right, it would not only go wrong but go wrong tenfold. I won't go into detail about everything that has happened but I will talk about one of the things that hit me the hardest, about how my dream job fell apart.

Earlier this year, I received a job as a freelance writer at a local newspaper. I jumped for joy, having this job because it made me feel more like an established writer and it got my name out to the writing world. The pay wasn't great but I didn't care, as long as I got to write about the area and the people around it.

Then, two months into writing for the local paper and having my name out in the open, I made a terrible mistake that cost me dearly. In writing an article about a program at a local art institute, I interviewed a couple of people who participated in the program but couldn't find a third to interview. After a friend had let me know that they had participated in said program a year before, I interviewed her instead. After having said article done, I looked over the guidelines and saw that I didn't particularly follow it. I went back, made a few changes to the article, cutting out my friends part and adding in bits from a pamphlet I was sent. After turning in the article, I was ecstatic to see it being on the cover of the paper and I BRAGGED hard. Little did I know that it would be downhill from there on...

About a week after the article was published, I was called about a problem with the article. I was told that I had misquoted someone in the article, the person who I quoted from the pamphlet. I sent the pamphlet to the editor for her to double check and I had indeed misquoted the pamphlet. I explained that my laptop didn't let me copy and paste the quote (sometimes my laptop can be loopy) so I just wrote it verbatim, or so I thought. I guess I made a flub or two in the writing but the editor had told that it was okay, just not to do it again. I thought this was the end of it and went on with my life until I realized I had not heard from our editor about any new stories in a couple of weeks so I decided to call the office to ask if there was anything available. When I spoke with the editor, she told me that she wanted to come into the office for an emergency meeting concerning my future with the paper. This made my blood run cold, not being helped by the fact that the meeting wouldn't not be held until the week after I talked her over the phone. It's not fun waiting a week before hearing whether or not you still have a job.

When the time came for the meeting, I thought I was going to vomit and I kept thinking the worst. Everyone kept telling me to think positive but I couldn't because I tend to have terrible luck in situations like this. As soon as I walked into the office, I felt a cold chill and I realized that everyone in the office, who I was on pretty good terms with, weren't visible and I was asked into the editor's office immediately. I was told that because of the mistakes made, I was being let go from the paper until I could be published elsewhere to prove that I am a competent writer. To say I was crushed would not even begin to describe how I felt.

To be honest, I was pretty suicidal. I called a friend who I told the situation and told her that I was just done. This friend was quite worried and tried to convince me to visit her at work but I couldn't. I was just beaten. When I got home, in and out on the decision to commit suicide, I messaged a friend who was also a writer for advice. She told me that though this had happened to me, it was most likely a sign of bigger and better things to come. I, at the time did not believe this so I began writing a note and calling friends to see if there was anything of mine that they wanted. Granted, I don't have much but I'm assuming some of the things I have is worth something. I got an outpouring show of support from friends who let it be know that I was loved and would be missed if I did follow through with my plan. It took every fiber of my being not to.

Today, I'm still looking for writing jobs and a regular job just to help me out of a financial bind I am in. This summer was not easy and I'm still struggling with my feelings about what happened, along with depression I've been suffering with since early teens but yet here I am, still writing, still looking, still wanting better.

If your summer was worst than mine, please don't share. This isn't a pissing contest.