Grieving ain't easy

It's been over two months since the passing of my great grandmother, who was, as mentioned on my Facebook, my rock. It could be assumed that a couple of months would be enough to grieve for anyone but it's not as easy as it sounds.

At first, I thought it would be simple to just go through the motions of life but as time goes on, I slowly learn that it's not so easy to go on with life, even when I thought it was. Co-workers have said that I seem to lost my drive and that I've become overly sensitive to criticism. Friends have seen me either pull away or become extremely clingy. I've become more sensitive than usual, began sleeping more and not liking going out as much. All these are signs of depression, something I already have but spiked to an 11. 

These were changes others saw in me but it took me not being able to let go of a rose from my great grandmother's burial to show me that I'm not ready to let go. In my room sits that wilted yellow rose and it will stay there until I think I'm ready to let go. I kept it because it's yellow, like sunshine and that's what she was to me, even though I never told her that.

As for coping, I've already gotten past the stage of saying I'm still in mourning but I need help knowing what's next.

I guess I'm living this blog entry a little open ended but that's the thing about blogs, you can always do a follow up...

Peace

Dear Mr. Cosby...

Dear Mr. Cosby,
I'm the Super Duper Senior and I am a former fan of yours. I grew on your material, from "The Cosby Show" to "Picture Pages" and reruns of "Fat Albert". Me and my family looked up to you and all the contributions you have done for the African American community.

However, my view of you has changed as of recent. I admit, I had no idea of earlier allegations against you. The most negative news I heard towards you were a paternity suit that went nowhere in the mid 90s and the words of Janice Dickinson. I openly admit that Dickinson sounded attention starved and mentally ill in my eyes. It took the words of another comedian, Hannibal Burgess, to make my ears even perk up a little bit. And then, it all happened...

As woman after woman came out with accusations, people began making the issue about race, while I looked on in awe. I had a close relative say "See, this is what happens when you mess with too many white women", which left me totally disgusted. I know that most of the time, rape isn't about race or even gender, it's about power and control. And then came your 2005 court testament where you admitted to obtaining Quaaludes in order to drug and have sex with women and here is where my respect for you died.

I can't watch anything you are affiliated with the exception of "A Different World". All of this makes me go back to Janice Dickinson and why she acts the way she does. Maybe your actions are what made her that way. However, I want to thank you for the scholarship and other contributions you made to the African American community. I am glad that your wife and others willing to defend you to the very end. All I can say, that as an African American and a regular guy with a blog, I am not one of those people because I've helped counsel friends of different races after a rape. The trauma they experience is devastating to both them and the people around them. I only hope that you can face up to what has happened and hope that there aren't anymore victims of someone once know as "America's Favorite Dad".

Sincerely,
Me

P.S. I know you already know this but "Leonard part 6" and "Ghost Dad" suck so much ass...

Great Grandma Helen

Today, at 10:45 in the morning, I received news that my Great Grandma, Helen Otis, had passed away. While most people don't get to know their great grandparents very well, I got to know mine as she was active and willing to share her world with me.

She watched me as I was a little kid when I had summer school, when the school was just down the street from her. I originally wasn't particularly fond of being around her as she smoked and had a dog, Sammy, that annoyed the hell out of me. I'm not even sure where the turning point was where I became fond of her but I did. I think it was when I felt everyone else was forcing me to grow up, she let me be a kid. She let me be that overly sensitive, chubby little kid.

She was in bowling league and anytime I was with her, her teammates would always pinch my cheeks and tell me how cute I was. I think she sensed how annoying I found this so she always gave me a couple of dollars to play video games. On a particular day after bowling, she drove me to a little shopping center and took me inside one shop that had Spider-man and Batman on their window. She had a seat and let me run rickshaw inside this place that was filled with comic books and other memorabilia. She said I was allowed to pick out some comic books, not giving a real price range into how much to spend until I grabbed a couple of very expensive X-men comics. She would bring me back to this place, time after time until they moved.

We had our bad times too. At times, I took her for granted and acted like the spoiled brat that I was but no matter what happened between us, we would get over it because she loved me and I loved her but I think I began taking her for granted recently. I didn't contact as much as I should've, though I called her on the holidays or would try to stop by her place. I knew her health wasn't so hot and told her that I would try to check in on her but as always, life happens. When I called her for 92nd birthday, which was Tuesday, I was surprised to hear my aunt answer the phone, telling me that Great Grandma's condition worsened and that she may have had to a nursing home. I just told my aunt to keep me informed. And then today happened...

If there was one regret I ever had, it was that she never saw me graduate. When I was a child and when I "graduated" from elementary school, I didn't invite her and when she asked why, I told her because I thought she would embarrass me. She told me that she loved me but what I said hurt and at first, I shrugged it off but as I got older, I realized me saying so stupid must have been devastating for her to hear. She never got to see me march because I never really marched again. I graduated high school through summer school and just received it in the mail and I am finally graduating college, after over 10 years, this year, except she won't be there. That is the biggest regret I ever had and I wish I could take this action back with all my heart.

All I can say is goodbye Great grandma. Thank you for being one of the few people I felt that I felt believed in me. You are my rock and my sunshine and without you, my world is a little grayer.

Always and forever,
Jimaur

The Break In

If the people who broke into our house dressed like this, I might excuse the theft of my netbook

Some time in April, the house I grew up in was robbed. When I had just come home from school/work and walked into the kitchen, I discovered that the door that led from the back yard to the basement was propped open and the door that led from the basement to the kitchen, which had locks on it was kicked open. The first thing I did was check all the rooms to seeing whether or not anything was missing. I discovered that out of everything that was in our house, the only thing missing was my netbook and my old blackberry.

After calling the police, who came to the conclusion that it was most likely kids from the neighborhood, I called my aunt, my sister and my mother. In all my conversations about the incident, I tried to keep cool, saying to people that this was just stipend for living in a predominantly black neighborhood but deep down, I was scared. It was bad enough when someone had broken into the house a few years ago, when I wasn't living at home, but now, not only did someone break in while I was there but only my things were taken. 

I thought the cops told me that kids had broken in just to be on their merry way but then I thought about it. I'm no expert on crime but everything besides my stuff was left intact. TVs, DVD players, my game systems and movies, all still where they were. Even my mother's laptop was still where it was, even though it wasn't in sight. Real robbers would've taken everything and this was done during daytime so it made sense that this was done by children.

Besides wanting to punch every child in the neighbor in paranoia, I held my fear inside with humor on the outside. However, I knew this wasn't healthy and decided I needed to talk to someone. The person I spoke to gave me the advice that just because I come from a predominately black neighborhood, which really isn't that bad, doesn't mean I should play tough in front of everyone. Things like this can make the toughest person feel violated and that I should be thankful that only my netbook, which was replaced by the weekend, and my blackberry, which I only used as an alarm, were stolen. I had to accept that this not only happens 'in the hood' but  it happens everywhere and I shouldn't have felt ashamed to feel afraid when something like this happens.

Making sense of Street Fighter part 3

With the insanity of Street Fighter Alpha 3 going on, I had no idea that a year earlier, Capcom released a Street Fighter III. I didn't get the news until 1999 and I kept wondering how I, a self proclaimed huge Street Fighter fan, missed it.

Everything about SFIII blew me away and it showed that Capcom was looking to move forward with series. New graphics, new jazzy soundtrack, semi-new gameplay and best of all, new characters. The previous storylines involving Shadaloo, along with it's leader, M. Bison, were nowhere in sight. In his place as head baddie is Gill, a half blue, half red angelic figure in charge of the Illuminati.

Apparently, the Illuminati couldn't afford to give their leader some pants...

In its first release, only Ryu and Ken returned from the original series, added only after fans demanded they be brought back. In the place of Ryu as the hero was Alex, a wrestler from the U.S. who went after the Gill when his trainer was injured by them. Other interesting characters included Ibuki, a *ninja* high school student, Dudley, a gentleman boxer who just wants his car back and Sean, the protege' of Ken. Through time, improved versions of SFIII were released, adding more characters and more fighting modes but I don't think the series really caught on in the U.S. the way SFII did. I think one of the reasons for that was because of Street Fighter fans were too busy playing the "Marvel vs. Capcom" series. While I don't knock the series, because  it was a fun series, Street Fighter III should've gotten the attention it deserved. From what I remember, only one of the games even made it to a video game console in the States,"Street Fighter III: 3rd strike" on the Sega Dreamcast.

8 years later, I began seeing previews for what would become Street Fighter IV and thought it looked pretty cool but it didn't blow me away. I saw Ryu, Ken and Chun-Li and thought "Oh, they brought Chun-Li back. That's nice" and hoped for more. Oh, how disappointed I would become.

I don't know who did Ryu's character design but they needed to fired ASAP!

With more reveals of the game came more disappointment. When all the fighters were revealed, it was the same Goddamn cast of Street Fighter II and yes, I realize that Street Fighter Alpha 3 also had the cast of Street Fighter II but that was a prequel and I already explained my frustration with that. The new fighters didn't fare any better. With the exception of El Fuerte' and Gouken, the designs were bland at best. Now to be honest, I might have been ok with the original fighters being in it if they had been aged but none of that had happened. And then I saw the story and I thought to myself "you've got to be fucking kidding me!". Street Fighter IV takes place after Street Fighter II but before Street Fighter III. This does not make it Street Fighter IV, it makes it Street Fighter II & 1/2. The other gripe was that Shadaloo was back in the picture. Bison was back but he was not the main villain, though he was still in charge of the organization. The main villain is Seth, who is in charge of Shadaloo's weapons division and looks like Dr. Manhattan of "Watchmen".

Seth, yeah, not impressed...

To me, this was not a step in the right direction, it was a step backward. No matter how upped the graphics and combos are, if a game is giving its fans nothing new, it's only a matter of time before fans are able to through that and I guess it was my time. I played the game it was just as most of  the new characters were, bland. Even it's updated versions didn't do anything for the series, save bringing in evil fighter, Juri.  At this point, I kind of gave up on the series...

Recently, there has been footage of the upcoming Street Fighter V and it looked exactly like SFIV. Test footage shown was of Ryu, Chun Li, a returning Charlie (now looking like Frankenstein's Monster) and hints of Bison. I'll put this way, I'm not jumping for joy about it...yet.

Get off your ass and blog (a short one)

Me deciding whether to post a blog or play Earthbound

 Yeah, this blog will be me, begging my readers to please don't go as I explain why my blog output has been a little slow lately.
I know my output has been sporadic since about September and for those visit this site, I do apologize. You guys deserve better than that but hear me out for a second. The reason the slowdown has happened is simple, life happens. I am a student finishing up at a community college while working at the schools newspaper. As a procrastinator, it's difficult to even write things I'm being paid and grade on, let alone writing for fun. And I know y'all are thinking,"if writing is so time consuming" or "if you're so busy" why keep doing it? Well, to be honest, I enjoy it. It's my outlet and I like to share my trials and tribulations, my likes and dislikes with an audience, in hopes that they enjoy my writings. Now, what can I do to keep ya'll coming back. Well, other than just try a little bit more in put out blogs quicker, I'm gonna have to leave that question up to you guys.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to play more Earthbound. I hope to have another blog out soon. Just be patient, please.

2014 Year in Review

1. What did you do in 2014 that you'd never done before?
Wrote for a newspaper. 

2.  Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Welp, still living at home. I didn't really make one for 2015, so I'll just stick with that one.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Um, one of my bestie's sister gave birth but I'm not that close to her...

4. Did anyone close to you die?
 My ex-girlfriend's cat died. That made me kind of sad.

5. What countries did you visit?
The country that is Ohio.

 6. What would you like to have in 2015 that you lacked in 2014?
Um, my diploma, my own place, Kyatto Ninden Teyandee on dvd, a better phone

7. What date from 2014 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Best date I can think of is May 27th, when I began my new job at a college newspaper.

8.  What was your biggest achievement of the year?
See answer to above question...

 9. What was your biggest failure?
 Not being able to get financial aid for the umpteenth time, Not spending anytime volunteering for the organizations I frequently volunteer for.

10.Did you suffer illness or injury?
 Not really, which is astounding...

11. What was the best thing you bought?
 Erm...pants

 12.  Whose behavior merited celebration?
 Umm...

 13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
 The NYPD or any other law enforcement that got away with the murder of innocent people. 2nd place goes towards a former love interest who is both a coward and out of her fucking mind.

14.Where did most of your money go?
 Bus Passes and classes

 15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
  The U.S. release of Zyuranger, Age of Ultron, being paid more than two hours a story...

  16. What song will always remind you of 2014?
   Again, no song in particular. I listened to a lot of New Edition, David Grant and at the end of the year, DeBarge.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
   i. happier or sadder?: In between . Tired and Cynical mostly.
    ii. thinner or fatter?: My weight fluctuates a lot .
    iii. richer or poorer?: I have a job now so...richer?

 18.What do you wish you'd done more of?
   Not make everything all about me, take my classes seriously and manage my money better

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
 Make  everything all about me (yes, I know that was listed above) sleeping, and procrastinating. Can't seem to shake that habit. Possibly snoring so loud.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
  With Family in Columbus

 21. Did you fall in love in 2014?
 I thought so. What a disaster that turned into...

22. Did your heart break in 2014?
 See answer above...

23.  What was your favorite TV program?
 The Flash, Lucha Underground...

 24.Did you know anybody who got married?
 My irritating former roommate and the guy that used to live across the hall from me when I lived in the dorms both got married. 

25. What states did you visit in 2014?
  Just the one I live in

 26. Where were you when 2014 began?
  At Jenny Border's apartment...

27. Who were you with?
  Jenny Border, Terry and Jay

 28. Where will you be when 2014 ends?
  At Eliza and Adrienne's house

 29. Who will you be with when 2014 ends?
  Adrienne

 30. What was the best book you read?
  Didn't do much reading in 2014. Sorry...

 31. What was your greatest musical discovery?
  See answers to Question 16

 32. What did you want and get?
  A job

 33.What did you want and not get?
  See answers to question  6

 34. What was your favorite film of this year?
  Didn't really see anything new this year. Horrible Bosses 2 was pretty funny...in a stupid way.

35. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I was given a piece of cake and card by my work mates. The rest of my birthday was spent at home.

36. Where did you go on vacation?
Vacation??

37. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2014?
 Same as last year, Black Hipster

38. What kept you sane?
 My job, my friends, writing, Super Nintendo/ Super Famicom games...

 39. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
 any that stood up against Racism and murder of innocents

40. What political issue stirred you the most?
 see the first half of answer to question 13

 41. Did you have to go to the hospital?
 For once, no

 42.  How many concerts did you see in 2014?
 None

 43. Did you have a favorite concert in 2014?
 None

 44.  Who was the best new person you met?
 Katrina, Danny, Anna, Jen, Victoria

45. Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year?
 Being told off by my boss playfully cursing out a fellow employee

 46. What was your most embarrassing moment of 2014?
  See previous answer...

47.  Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2014
 Stop procrastinating. Another one is to not wait around for a woman who doesn't seem too interested after a while.

  48.  What are your plans for 2015?
  Finally graduating from the college I am at and return to the University I was at before. Get my place, roommate possible. See where this job takes me.

 49. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
"Life is a beautiful struggle"- Talib Kweli