Today is the second anniversary of the death of my dear friend, Candice. I know this will not feel as heartfelt as the first "Saw a star..." blog but I just felt like writing about her.
These past few days have been weird because I felt like I've been using her death as an excuse for my mood and now I feel guilt for it. In all honesty, I do miss her like crazy, even going so far as keeping her section in the obituary and the program from her viewing. There are considerable small things that I miss about her, her smile, her eyes, her big brea.. um, attitude and most of all, knowing she cared about me. That sort of thing is extremely important because God knows how many times I've been told "I don't see a future for us". Once, I had a girl hesitate to go out with me because my not being able to drive, even though my being unable to drive is mostly because of my epilepsy but I'm getting way off subject...
There's just so much I wanted to say to her, so much to ask. What the hell did she see in me and if she saw a future for us? I'd like to think she did. What would have the perfect scenario of us for her, to be like Ward and June Cleaver?
I think the main thing I would ask her is "why?". Was there that much pain in her life that she felt she had no other choice? Why not call Michelle (one of my best friends and her best friend) or me? Hell, crisis care was right there. If I had known the last time I talked to her would in fact be the last time, I would've...honestly, I don't know I would've done or said. Plus, I don't even know if she died that way. It's just sad that she's gone.
I just hope she is happy, still the shining star in the night sky I saw a couple of years ago.
Candice, You are still missed, you still own pieces of my heart and I thank you for making this frog feel like a prince.
Always,
Me
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