Today is the second anniversary of the death of my dear friend, Candice. I know this will not feel as heartfelt as the first "Saw a star..." blog but I just felt like writing about her.
These past few days have been weird because I felt like I've been using her death as an excuse for my mood and now I feel guilt for it. In all honesty, I do miss her like crazy, even going so far as keeping her section in the obituary and the program from her viewing. There are considerable small things that I miss about her, her smile, her eyes, her big brea.. um, attitude and most of all, knowing she cared about me. That sort of thing is extremely important because God knows how many times I've been told "I don't see a future for us". Once, I had a girl hesitate to go out with me because my not being able to drive, even though my being unable to drive is mostly because of my epilepsy but I'm getting way off subject...
There's just so much I wanted to say to her, so much to ask. What the hell did she see in me and if she saw a future for us? I'd like to think she did. What would have the perfect scenario of us for her, to be like Ward and June Cleaver?
I think the main thing I would ask her is "why?". Was there that much pain in her life that she felt she had no other choice? Why not call Michelle (one of my best friends and her best friend) or me? Hell, crisis care was right there. If I had known the last time I talked to her would in fact be the last time, I would've...honestly, I don't know I would've done or said. Plus, I don't even know if she died that way. It's just sad that she's gone.
I just hope she is happy, still the shining star in the night sky I saw a couple of years ago.
Candice, You are still missed, you still own pieces of my heart and I thank you for making this frog feel like a prince.
Always,
Me
Monday, March 17, 2014
Friday, March 14, 2014
The Slow Process of becoming an RPG fan Pt.3
Well, my last couple of blogs have been downers so I think I'll pep up this blog with continuing in my telling of becoming an RPG fan.
In 2008, I noticed that there was a new Dragon Quest game (At this point, I began noticing RPGs a bit more) and kept pondering whether or not to buy it. In the end, I didn't so this sentence is a little pointless.
In 2010, I finally owned my first RPG as part of a game compilation and as 2012, I've yet to beat it, Phantasy Star IV.
Before this game, I was strictly a fighting game/ beat 'em up fan but I was becoming bored with these kind of games. I began giving RPGs and other type of adventure games a try because I knew it would take more than 30 minutes to beat them. After playing other games on the compilation, I decided to go ahead and try the RPG. The beginning monologue to PS4 was a little long winded but I became drawn in with the game's story and manga-like cutscenes. I wasn't sure what the hell I was doing in the game so for the first week I think I just randomly walked around aimlessly until I got into battles. After becoming extremely frustrated in not knowing who, what or where, I took to youtube for a walkthrough (videos of a complete rundown of a game) which made the game maybe 10% easier. As much as I wanted to kick my tv in while playing this game, I couldn't wait to get any further and see the next cutscene.
In the middle of Phantasy Star 4, I was distracted by a few things, school, depression and a friend letting me borrow two RPGs he owned. These two RPGs are thought to be the greatest of their kind and it's pretty hard for me to disagree, even if I've only played a few.
I started out liking "Chrono Trigger" for "Dragon Ball" creator Akira Toriyama had done the character designs and animated cutscenes. This, along with funny dialogue and interesting villains kept me playing, no matter how frustrating it got. While in the middle of a huge depression, this game became my life, which with everything that was going on in my life, was a good thing. I miraculously beat the game in the beginning of summer and it was the happiest thing that had happened to me in a long time. I almost celebrated until I thought "now what?". Then I looked and remembered that I had another RPG game to play, the father of all RPGs to be exact...
If you, the reader, have read my earlier blogs, you know that I had already played Final Fantasy VII but this was the original Final Fantasy and all I hoped was that the game didn't freeze up like FF VII did all the time. For such a retro game, it was originally made in 1987, it was vast and there seemed to be a battle always around the corner. I had fun playing as the 4 light warriors and the story was interesting enough but I did run into a problem, in the games vastness, I got lost. I don't mean lost for a couple of hours, I mean a freaking week and a half. I looked on the internet for where to go but when playing, I would just end in up in the same places. I think when I finally figured out where to go, I had done so much grinding (countless battles with enemies just to raise experience points) when I finally got the final boss of the game, I was so over powered, it only took a few minutes to beat them. I kind of just shrugged my shoulders about it, as the ending wasn't as Chrono Trigger's was. And then a couple days later, My friend wanted his games back, which was a little saddening because I had just started Final Fantasy II.
Now, I have a new respect for RPGs or at least the retro ones. They are games that inspire imaginations, take you on adventures that take a hell of a lot longer than 30-45 minutes to complete and in some cases, like Nintendo's "Earthbound", they have heart. Not all of them are good but to sort out the good from the bad, that's what the internet is for.
Now excuse me, I have to spend my weekend not studying and playing Phantasy Star IV.
End
In 2008, I noticed that there was a new Dragon Quest game (At this point, I began noticing RPGs a bit more) and kept pondering whether or not to buy it. In the end, I didn't so this sentence is a little pointless.
In 2010, I finally owned my first RPG as part of a game compilation and as 2012, I've yet to beat it, Phantasy Star IV.
 | |
| Phantasy Star IV, Stop being so damn hard!! |
Before this game, I was strictly a fighting game/ beat 'em up fan but I was becoming bored with these kind of games. I began giving RPGs and other type of adventure games a try because I knew it would take more than 30 minutes to beat them. After playing other games on the compilation, I decided to go ahead and try the RPG. The beginning monologue to PS4 was a little long winded but I became drawn in with the game's story and manga-like cutscenes. I wasn't sure what the hell I was doing in the game so for the first week I think I just randomly walked around aimlessly until I got into battles. After becoming extremely frustrated in not knowing who, what or where, I took to youtube for a walkthrough (videos of a complete rundown of a game) which made the game maybe 10% easier. As much as I wanted to kick my tv in while playing this game, I couldn't wait to get any further and see the next cutscene.
In the middle of Phantasy Star 4, I was distracted by a few things, school, depression and a friend letting me borrow two RPGs he owned. These two RPGs are thought to be the greatest of their kind and it's pretty hard for me to disagree, even if I've only played a few.
 | ||||||
| Best RPG EVER...well, in my opinion. |
If you, the reader, have read my earlier blogs, you know that I had already played Final Fantasy VII but this was the original Final Fantasy and all I hoped was that the game didn't freeze up like FF VII did all the time. For such a retro game, it was originally made in 1987, it was vast and there seemed to be a battle always around the corner. I had fun playing as the 4 light warriors and the story was interesting enough but I did run into a problem, in the games vastness, I got lost. I don't mean lost for a couple of hours, I mean a freaking week and a half. I looked on the internet for where to go but when playing, I would just end in up in the same places. I think when I finally figured out where to go, I had done so much grinding (countless battles with enemies just to raise experience points) when I finally got the final boss of the game, I was so over powered, it only took a few minutes to beat them. I kind of just shrugged my shoulders about it, as the ending wasn't as Chrono Trigger's was. And then a couple days later, My friend wanted his games back, which was a little saddening because I had just started Final Fantasy II.
Now, I have a new respect for RPGs or at least the retro ones. They are games that inspire imaginations, take you on adventures that take a hell of a lot longer than 30-45 minutes to complete and in some cases, like Nintendo's "Earthbound", they have heart. Not all of them are good but to sort out the good from the bad, that's what the internet is for.
Now excuse me, I have to spend my weekend not studying and playing Phantasy Star IV.
End
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