Struggle Summer 3: Last night a joshi saved my life

 This is normally the part where the entire blog is spent complaining about how terrible my summer was but given that 2020 made EVERYONE'S summer terrible, I'll keep it short. Between Co-Vid19 making it damn near impossible to go anywhere, the isolation that comes with this and politics literally making people devolve (or think that they're political analysts), it is very hard to deal with everything this year is giving us.

I guess this is the part where I can complain about myself. How am I handling this whole ordeal? Honestly, not well. At first, I was fine, working from home in my underwear and making my own coffee. But about week three is when things began to sour. Wanting to get out of the house but realizing that would be hard with everything closed or not able to go see friends began to wear on me. I tried to keep positive, posting weekly updates on facebook, while telling everyone that I couldn't wait to see them again. I became paranoid, thinking all my efforts to cheers others up did nothing but annoy people. This was probably made worse from trying to gain attention (or sympathy) on twitter, probably the LAST  place one should try to crave attention from and that didn't even work. YEESH!

Falling deeper and deeper into depression, I submerged myself into my video games, in particular "Fire Pro Wrestling Returns". I had the game for a couple of years but I had began unlocking secrets of the game. The interest in the game probably stemmed from a successor Fire Pro wrestling game being released over the past couple of years but having to settle, not having a PS4 to play it on because I'm not being made of money. The game renewed my interest in wrestling, other than AEW, which led to me watching actual matches. Watching larger than life matches helped me escape from the depression and craziness of the outside, even for just a little bit. The wrestling discovery that captivated me the most came from the most unexpected place, Japan.

I've known about wrestling in Japan and was impressed with it from the get go but this year, it was an escape compared to wrestling in U.S., well, at least compared to WWE. Japanese wrestling or Puroresu just feels like the wrestlers are putting their all not only into their wrestling but also into the storylines they are given and the identities that they play as they wrestle. 

(Legendary wrestler Tiger Mask. He's been portrayed by four wrestlers over the years)

Not one organization is doing it better than anyone else but from a twitter stance, all the attention is on Stardom, a female wrestling organization. Stardom seems to frontrunner in Japanese women's wrestling (or Joshi) and has developed quite the following in the states. I've watched some matches and yeah, I am very impressed with these women, most of looking like they weight as much as my foot can pull off what they can with so much heart. Not to take away from U.S. wrestling which, besides one particular organization, seems to improved greatly and should not be ignored, it's just that in these times, it was the Japanese wrestling that had intrigued me the most. 

(Stardom roster, not recent but most these wrestlers are still there)

Now, does it inspire me to go into wrestling? No, I'm getting too old to attempt anything like remotely this athletic. But watching so many matches helps me appreciate what these athletes do, putting their bodies on the line for our entertainment. It helped me escape everything going on. If I felt lonely or crushed, I just turned to these athletes who entertained me and millions during a pandemic to forget about the worlds problems, even if only for a little bit.

What? You come up with a better ending.

In memory of Hana Kimura 1997-2020 

Great Grandma Helen: Five years later

This year marks the 5th anniversary of the passing of the person I considered my sunshine, my great 

 grandmother, Helen Otis. I can only assume people rarely get to know their great grandparents the way I got to know my great grandmother and I am so thankful she was part of my life for as long as she was. Our times together are forever etched in my memories and I look to them in dark times, which these days feels inescapable. She scolded me sometimes for being a knucklehead but it didn't matter because 1. most likely I deserved it and 2. I knew she loved me. No judgement or yelling, just love. The one time she expressed disappointment in me is something that has hurt me for ages and if I could take it back, I would've. When she passed, I told myself I would go on to be a better man, a man she would be proud of but I'm sad to say that I don't think I am.

I think I miss someone having faith in me or at least the way she had faith in me. I just go day to day, feeling gray, feeling like there's no one to reach out to the way I could her. Nothing proved this more than the holiday season of 2019, when I am pretty sure I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown, missing her. I was in so much pain, mentally, and I never felt so invisible (at first, after a while, co-workers began noticing how out of it I looked). I wanted to reach out to her because I visited her every Christmas eve but I knew I couldn't. All I can say is I have no fucking idea how I got through it all. Maybe she was there to hold my hand and I didn't know it.

I'm a little relieved that she doesn't have to deal with the chaos that has been 2020. If she were, I would've gotten into a fistfight with Covid-19 just to keep her safe. 

I miss you, my sunshine...🌅

For Joe Bob and Darcy (The Last Drive-in)

Joe Bob and Darcy (Diana),
My name is, well, the Super Duper Senior and let's just say I am a huge fan.

For Joe Bob, I have practically grown up watching you on TNT's "Monstervision". I also remember  you hosting a Black Emanuele marathon on Showtime. I don't think I should've been watching Italian exploitation at that age but thank you for introducing me to the insanity of Joe D'Amato.  I honestly don't think I would have the same desire for z grade and exploitation films if it were not for you.

Darcy, I could write a book about how much heart you have that is equal to your beauty. To step in front of a camera every week and show your passion for movies that some would consider "garbage" (not me, of course) with knowledge and humor takes bravery, more than you'll ever know.

I want to thank you both for "The Last Drive-In", a show that has brought film fans joy and happiness in what is very difficult times. It's an escape, just like drive-ins I grew up going to and it doesn't matter who you are or where you're from, just come and be fans of movies with other fans. People have even adopted the name #MutantFam because, again, the show has brought people together, like a family.

Sadly, I can't call myself a member of the mutant fam because I've practically sat out this whole season. This year has been a little rough for me, and instead of sitting in with the fam, I've become withdrawn from most things I enjoy, that includes The Last Drive-In. Seeing my friends watch and talk about it, I feel like my presence would only bring a cloud of negativity to their good time so I sit out.

What I enjoy though is the two of you bring to them. They talk about how much they enjoy it, from the choice in movies to Darcy's outfits, guests and Joe Bob's words of wisdom. All of this makes them happy and their joy  makes me smile or at least smirk.

In the end, thank you for all the joy you two bring to people and I hope season 3 is in the works. I'll try to make it.
From the bottom of my heart,
✌ and 💓
P.S. Shout out to Geek Juice...

2019 Year in review

Yes, I'm doing a Year in review for 2019, a year where I only posted one post, the previous year's in review. 😐

1. What did you do in 2019 that you'd never done before?
  Yeah, no. At least this year wasn't too bad...

2.  Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
 I didn't make one last year, not making one for this year either.

3.  Did anyone close to you give birth?
 One of best friends had twins! A couple of co-workers and a friend from my old university also had   babies 👶

4. Did anyone close to you die?
 An older cousin of mine died in late May-early June.

5. What countries did you visit?
  I haven't left my state this year, let alone out of the country. (Yeah, I copy+pasted that from last year)

6. What would you like to have in 2020 that you lacked in 2019?
 My own place. I'll keep saying this until I, at least do something about it.

7.  What dates from 2019 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
May 25- KKK came to Dayton. A series of tornadoes followed the Monday after.
June 3rd- My cousin married a former co-worker. The week after, his father's funeral.
August 3rd- A shooting happened in an area I frequent. 11 people died and I've been too scared to go into that area since.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Um, I finally got a blu ray player...

9. What was your biggest failure?
The whole job thing that was listed for last year happened earlier this year. Not sure why I listed it for happening last year.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I think I caught a bug from work but I powered through it.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
See answer #8...actually, I didn't buy that. I won it at work.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
 My cousin getting married to a former co-worker this summer.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
In 2019, where do I even start?

14. Where did most of your money go?
Materialistic things that only brought me temporary happiness. God knows how much was spent on Asian take out.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
 Megabeast Investigator Juspion on Blu-Ray. I actually won a blu-ray player from work just for the series. Sad, right?

16. What song will always remind you of 2019?
Um...

17.  Compared to this time last year, are you:
-Happier or sadder: Hate to admit but sadder.
-thinner or fatter: According to a recent doctors appointment, a LOT fatter.
-Richer or poorer: A tad poorer but I'll still spend.
(Yes, this was copy+pasted from last year's list but that was completed earlier this year so not much changed)

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Writing, including keeping up on this blog. I had a big ol' case of writer's block for most of the year and when that wasn't the problem, I just had 0% motivation.

19.  What do you wish you'd done less of?
Complain about how much I don't like my job or living situation but yet do nothing about changing either.

20.  How was your Christmas spent?
This is being written a couple of days before Christmas.

21.  Did you fall in love in 2019?
As always, I fall in love all the time.

22. Did your heart break in 2019?
Comes with always falling in love.

23.  What was your favorite TV program?
I really didn't watch TV this year. I began going to bed early as a result.

24. Did you know anybody who got married?
My cousin married a woman I used to work with in June.

25. What states did you visit in 2019?
   Just the one I live in.

26.  Where were you when 2019 began?
 In bed, watching a twitch stream.

27.  Who were you with?
  Myself

28. Where were you when 2019 ended? 
  This is being written a week before New Years. 

29.  Who were you with when 2019 ended?
 See previous answer

30.  What was the best book you read?
 Drawing a blank but most likely, it was a manga.

31. What was your greatest musical discovery?
  Synthwave, synth music influenced by 80s music and video games.

32.  What did you want and get?
 See answer #8 

33.  What did you want and not get?
Love, a better job, better living arrangements. I'm sure there's more to list but this list shouldn't be anymore depressing.

34. What was your favorite film of this year?
"Dolemite is my name". "Joker" wasn't terrible, though. 

35. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
 All I did was by a new battery for PS2 and eat Chinese food. I'm not telling you my age 👺 

36. Where did you go on vacation?
  Vacation? What's that? 

37. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2019?
 At work, a blue collar schlub. Off work, black hipster.

38. What kept you sane?
For 2019, it was being around people. Whether it was being at a job I'm unhappy with or the death of a family member, people made me laugh and smile. Some just talked to me or listened to me talk. It was good because I just felt very alone this year.

39. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Um...drawing a blank at the moment.

40. What political issue stirred you the most?
Just don't...😡 

41.Did you have to go to the hospital?
Only for appointments

42. How many concerts did you see in 2019?
I saw Maria Bamford in June.  Also saw Hawthorne Heights earlier this year, not by choice though

43. Did you have a favorite concert in 2019?
 See answer to previous question.

44. Who were the best new people you met?
 Didn't really meet anyone new this year. Honestly.

45. Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year?
 Getting into a near shouting match with a supervisor over whether or not I should be employee of month again.

46. What was your most embarrassing moment of 2019?
  See answer to previous question. Anything else embarrassing is most likely work related. 

47. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2019?
Best one I can think of for this year; be excellent to each other. 

48. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

"This life shit, this life shit is like
Is like bugged the fuck out, son, for real
See, to live is to suffer
But to survive…
Well, that's to find meaning in the suffering"
DMX- "Slippin'" 🐕
(It was that kinda year)