Grieving ain't easy

It's been over two months since the passing of my great grandmother, who was, as mentioned on my Facebook, my rock. It could be assumed that a couple of months would be enough to grieve for anyone but it's not as easy as it sounds.

At first, I thought it would be simple to just go through the motions of life but as time goes on, I slowly learn that it's not so easy to go on with life, even when I thought it was. Co-workers have said that I seem to lost my drive and that I've become overly sensitive to criticism. Friends have seen me either pull away or become extremely clingy. I've become more sensitive than usual, began sleeping more and not liking going out as much. All these are signs of depression, something I already have but spiked to an 11. 

These were changes others saw in me but it took me not being able to let go of a rose from my great grandmother's burial to show me that I'm not ready to let go. In my room sits that wilted yellow rose and it will stay there until I think I'm ready to let go. I kept it because it's yellow, like sunshine and that's what she was to me, even though I never told her that.

As for coping, I've already gotten past the stage of saying I'm still in mourning but I need help knowing what's next.

I guess I'm living this blog entry a little open ended but that's the thing about blogs, you can always do a follow up...

Peace